4 Types of Desi Guys That go Clubbing Courtesy of CurryBear.com

The guys you see at desi parties are no better than some of the eccentric girls you meet. Since one of Curry Bear's readers asked for it, Curry Bear spent last night wondering what kind of guys we see at desi parties. So here is the analysis:

1. The SKINNY Guy - Gandhi starved himself for freedom from the British. Not only did we get our freedom, but generations later we're still producing skinny desi kids. They have a riced out Honda Civic, a fancy home, designer clothes but look like Somalian babies. Can they not afford food? What's worse is watching a skinny guy try to grind up on a girl who is twice his size. These guys shouldn't be at a club. They should be at an all-you-can-eat buffet feasting on anything that can be called "food" until they weigh more than a bag of Tilda Basmati rice.

2. The FAT Guy - We have a fat girl at every party and we also have a fat guy. But you never see these two dance with each other. Now some fat guys are jolly and are chill, but that's very rare. Most of the fat guys I've seen at desi parties buy a fruity drink (Appletini) and try to act like Fat Joe. Fat Joe is cool because he can rap. The Fat desi guy is not cool because neither does he have a rap album nor can he dance. Just like how the skinny guy should spend his time at an all-you-can-eat buffet, the Fat guy should spend his time at Jenny Craig. Girls have told Curry Bear that when fat guys sneak up on them on the dance floor, it feels like that scene from Indiana Jones when that giant ball is rolling behind Harrison Ford. I have no problem with jolly fat guys. I have a problem with fat guys who think they're "players" and dance up on tiny desi girls. If the Fat guy trips and falls, that little girl is dead. DEAD, I tell you! Before going to desi parties, these Fat guys should play Splinter Cell on Xbox so they can learn how to sneak up on people.

3. The UNCLE - This has somewhat died down, but that's probably because Tribe doesn't throw anymore desi parties. But back in the day, there was a flux of uncle's at desi parties. They would come to parties dressed like goondas and some even had the balls to get on the dance floor. Watching them dance reminded me of Amitabh Bachan doing disco. If you look carefully, you'll still spot a few uncles here and there. A couple months ago, I saw two Filipino uncles at a desi party. Why do these guys come to a desi party? I hope someone didn't lie to them and say that they can pick up chicks. If the Skinny guy and the Fat guy have problems getting girls, what are the chances that the Uncle will go home with some Bombay booty? To be fair though, I'd rather see a lost & confused Uncle at a desi party than an Aunty who is tired of playing Teen Patti.

4. The THUG - They're everywhere! Every desi guy tries to be a mix of Italian and black. They dress like the Gotti kids and talk like 50 Cent. I don't know who started the trend of copying the Gotti kids with the Brooklyn cut, but that guy has started a revolution like Che Guevera. For the past 6 years, every desi guy who wants to be "cool" tries to go for the Brooklyn cut. I've seen Fobs come into this country and after 6 months, they get rid of their Mangal Pandey haircut and get the Brooklyn cut. WHY? Have all the other hairstyles gone out of style? And those clothes! Somebody should tell these guys to stop shopping at the "Clearance" rack at Express. These guys also bring out the "blackness" by wearing G-Unit sneakers and greeting everyone with "Nigga" at parties. What is going on with the world? Can't we desis create our own identity? If somebody had the courage to be a little original, then maybe we wouldn't need to copy Gotti kids and black people. I'm so sick and tired of every guy rocking the BK cut that I'd actually welcome a desi guy with a moustache and a mullet. Hell, I'll be happy just to see a desi guy with a Hebrew accent for a change. The worst thing about the Thug is that his penis is small, so he puts all his time and effort into convincing people that his penis is big. And how does he convince them? By starting fights at desi parties. "Hey! Pay attention to me! I have a big dick! I'm going to start a fight! Ladies, check me out! I'm going to fight a guy who is slightly weaker than me!"  

This concludes the guy section of our analysis. As usual, if you have any thoughts or suggestions of your own, please share it with CurryBear.com

Time to go hibernate.

- CB Out.

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