“The priest is asking for you…” Rinki looked up at her father, meticulously dressed in a gleaming white tuxedo, the wide smile on his face having the effect of accentuating his wrinkles. To everyone her father would have appeared an immensely satisfied person, but Rinki knew him so well, she could easily peer behind the façade of happiness. She knew that her father was feeling just as sick inside as she was. Things had gone so horribly wrong on what should have been a day of boundless merriment. “Rinki,” her father whispered, “There is nothing to fear now. I have dealt with all the issues; now there is no hindrance to your marriage.” She shivered with annoyance. She knew just what issues he had been forced to deal with.

The man she was supposed to marry today had arrived few hours ago heading a huge delegation of baratis and hanger-ons. But the marriage ceremony had got delayed when the bridegroom made fresh dowry demands, to which her father had been forced to give in as it was made clear to him that unless the amount was forked over the marriage could not go ahead. Behind her father, stood her mother, sad and confused, tears coursing down her cheeks. Rinki thought of the high hopes that her parents must have had from this day, when their only child would get married, but because of the avaricious bridegroom all their hopes were dashed. Suddenly the realization hit her. Why should I marry this man, who doesn’t seem to care for me at all? “Rinki, the priest is waiting for you,” her mother said, her voice sounding like a sob. She wanted to say that she did not want to marry this man, but was awed into silence by the crowd in the room – relatives, neighbors, friends, all were there sitting and standing around her, silently anticipating her marriage ceremony. She felt as if she was the part of a carefully choreographed drama and she had to play the expected role or everyone would be disappointed. She rose slowly to her feet.

The heavy bridal finery in which she was draped made it difficult for her to walk. Her two cousins had their arms around her as she was led out of the room. Rinki did get married that day. She went to her new home to find all her doubts over the rapaciousness of her husband’s family turning out to be true. Had she refused to get married to a husband for whom she was nothing more than a blank cheque, it would have been so much better for her. But she was already married and it was too late for her to back out now. In the days and weeks that followed her new husband and her inlaws inflicted psychological and physical torture on her for not bringing enough dowry to their house. She was kept as a prisoner in her room, and not allowed to meet anyone.

She was even denied access to the phone, so she could not call her parents to tell them how she was suffering in her new home. Then one day her mother-in-law called her to the kitchen. There her husband held her down while her father-in-law poured kerosene on her and set her alight. Neighbors saw smoke coming out the kitchen and came to inquire. They found Rinki in kerosene soaked sari, trapped in flames and left alone to burn to ashes. But Rinki’s relatives pretended as if an accident had taken place in the kitchen. They took Rinki to the hospital, but by then she had already succumbed to the 90% burn inflicted on her body. Rinki’s tragic story is not unique, every year thousands of women get sacrificed on the altar of dowry! The worst part is that in many instances official records show the cause of death as accidental injuries resulting in the killers going scot-free. For the groom’s family there are rich rewards – another bride, another dowry.
We may venerate our country as Mother India, but when it comes to honoring and protecting the women of this country, we are always found lacking. It is not unusual to find Indians who say, “You have two girl children, you must have done some sins in your past life.” Sons are more welcome than daughters. Under the Hindu law, women do not inherit anything from her family. Sons are supposed to inherit all the assets of his parents. At time of marriage, sons bring money into the family in the form of dowry that they receive, whereas the parents of the girl child have to part with a significant part of their wealth. This tradition of paying hefty dowry to the groom’s family is the prime reason behind the low status of female children. In Hindi parlance the tradition is called “Dahej." The custom was legally banned in 1961, but it continues to flourish. Every year scores of innocent women die because of dowry related reasons. Such deaths usually happen when the bride’s family somehow fails to arrange a dowry - money and other gifts - that is up to the expectations of the groom’s family. The groom’s family takes out their frustration on the newly wed wife, resulting in serious physical abuses, which might even culminate in death. One of the most horrible practices involves burning the wife with kerosene. The process of modernization does not seem to have dented the practice of dowry. Many middle class young men consider accepting dowry at the time of their marriage as an easy way for upward mobility. Such people have to be made to understand that it is dishonorable and demeaning to demand dowry. Marriage is supposed to be a holy union of two souls. The moment we bring money into it, the union turns unholy and such an unholy union will never be conducive to happiness at home. It is a disgusting state of affairs that the price of the Indian groom astronomically increases based on his qualifications, profession and income. Doctors, chartered accountants and engineers even prior to graduation develop the divine right to expect a fat dowry. Clearly legal methods of tackling dowry have failed. Dowry is paid in almost every marriage in India, and in many cases differences between the amount of dowry to be paid between the bride and groom’s family result in the unnecessary hounding of the bride and in extreme cases even in her murder. So what an we, as a nation, do to exorcise the ghost of dowry from our social system? Empowerment of women on social, political, and economic arenas is certainly the solution. But what are the best ways to accomplish that? Disclosure of facts and solidarity of women from around the globe will certainly be a first step. The traditional and electronic media can be used for this purpose. Articles and appeals should be sent to the human rights commission at the United Nations. The conservative political hierarchy would not budge if it were not for strong pressures from outside. For that purpose, we can write letters to world leaders and politicians. A consolidated effort must be undertaken to let the world know. After all, dowry is not only oppressive for women, it is dehumanizing for the groom too. Why should an Indian groom be treated on par with commercial goods? Why should the bride be forced to purchase her husband by way of paying dowry? There are no easy solutions to this social conundrum, but we have no alternative except to keep looking till we find one that works.
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