It’s been a long time since Curry Bear has seen a good Indian movie. The last time C-Bear saw a good Bollywood flick, Pluto was still a planet, Lindsay Lohan was underage and the realm of TV was not soiled by retarded shows like Grey’s Anatomy. So one fine day, Curry Bear decided to take a girl out on a date to see an Indian movie he had heard good stuff about. And no, she was not a hooker.
What is Cheeni Kum about? To start with, let’s explain the title of the movie. “Cheeni kum” translates in English to “Less sugar” and not “Chinese cum” as someone thought of, whose name I will not mention. The subject of the movie is very rare and somewhat taboo, at least as long as Bollywood movies go. Here’s C-Bear’s brief summary without any spoilers:
- Amitabh Bachan is the owner of the best Indian restaurant in London. He is the desi version of the Soup Nazi. He is 64 years old, never married and lives with his mother. And he’s a total hard-ass at work. That could be from the lack of snoo-snoo in his life. And then one day he meets Tabu at his restaurant. She returns the food back to the kitchen at his restaurant, which totally is not cool with Amitabh. He decides to lay the smackdown on that biatch and tells her off. But of course, they meet again and Amitabh realizes that one of his chef’s had screwed up the dish by adding too much sugar - hence, the name of the movie Cheeni Kum. Now the crux of the movie is that Amitabh is 64 years old and Tabu is only 34. Both have never been married but have a weird chemistry that brings them together. It’s a lot like covalent bonds - if you don’t know what they are, you should really go back and take 6th grade chemistry. There are also other cool characters in this movie, such as Amitabh’s awesome Punjabi mommy and a 9 year-old girl named Sexy who lives next to Amitabh and suffers from cancer.
What is good about this movie?
- Amitabh’s pony tail looks cool. He’s also a badass who spurts out wise comments like Dr. House. If they ever make a desi version of House, Amitabh should play his role. Paresh Rawal, who plays Tabu’s dad, is also funny as usual. The movie may not be laugh out loud funny, but it does throw a good amount of jokes here and there.
Who is this movie for?
- I think this movie can only be enjoyed if you went on a date with a girl (or a boy depending on how you swing). If a bunch of guys went to see this movie, they wouldn’t enjoy it. Also, if you see a bunch of guys going to see this movie, that is a sure sign that they are part of the gay mafia. Curry Bear advises you to take a girl to this movie. And not just any girl - make sure you take someone who enjoys Indian movies and loves romantic stuff. If you’re planning to take some slut to this movie in hopes of scoring with her by the end of the night, then this is not the movie. You might have better luck by taking her to see 8 Johnny Depps on screen in Pirates of the Caribbean.
Curry Bear really enjoyed this movie. The aunties and uncles loved this movie as well, which is strange because when they like a movie, that’s a sign that it is bad. However, that was not the case with Cheeni Kum. In fact, this movie is filled with sexual innuendo. There are scenes where Amitabh is buying condoms and taking Tabu into a hotel room for a quickie - this ain’t the Amitabh your daddy knew. These days, Amitabh is macking it to 34 and barely legal 18 year olds. So if you have a date and want to be romantic to your girl for a change, then Curry Bear recommends this movie. Also, this movie is great for diabetics.
Another Indian Superman Song, from the movie, “Dariya Dil” starring Govinda. There is also a girl dressed as Spiderman. Man I have to give it to Bollywood that is ballsy. Some questions come to mind when I watch this.
1. Since when is Spiderman a girl?
2. Since when can Spiderman fly?
3. Why are they dry humping each other?
4. Who is the main villain in this movie?
Last year’s famous video of Chiranjeev’s Indian Thriller is back. Just when you thought it couldn’t get any better, someone remakes this video with English subtitles. Listen to the words being said and read the English subtitles - it actually sounds pretty close.
In the first part, SRK was declared the winner on The Colber Report’s “We the MEdiator” gig. Colbert saw SRK’s dance moves and gave him the crown. But after watching Kabhi Kushi Kabhi Gham and seeing the Big B go “Shaava Shaava”, will Colbert change his mind?
When did FOBs start writing for The Colbert Report?
OK Shilpa, you brought this one upon yourself. After joining the cast of UK Big Brother, Shilpa Shetty claims that she is a victim of racism on Celebrity Big Brother. First of all, what is a woman like Shilpa Shetty (who is loaded with money up the waazoo) doing on Celebrity Big Brother. Reality TV shows are where washed out celebrities go when no one wants to hire them. It's like old people retiring and moving to Florida.
England's a pretty racist country as it is. The whities there aren't too fond of brown people, so it's no surprise that Shilpa is getting taunted. And everyone is in on it. Jackiey Budden, who is apparently a "celebrity" though I've never heard that name, calls Shilpa "the Indian" and asked her "Do you live in a house or a shack?" Another celebrity told her to go back to the slums.
OK I know racism is wrong, especially when it happens to your own kind. But come on, what the hell was Shilpa thinking going on a white trash reality tv show. The bitch has made more money from flop movies alone than any of the other celebrities on that show. She should just leave the show and come back to Bollywood, where people masturbate to her dancing in the Swiss
Apparently the matter is so serious that it is being taken to the Parliament, also known as the British version of the fucked up U.S. Government.
Also don't forget to check out this Yahoo UK article about Shilpa Shetty. Even the Yahoo news site is racist -ease they got her name wrong. It's SHILPA NOT "SHIPLA". I hope those idiots don't correct it by the time you read it.
Curry Bear isn't a big fan of Mallika Sherawat. Sure she has a great body, but that monkey face is just not appealing. And Curry Bear isn't too fond of women who sleep around for roles, unless of course they sleep with Curry Bear. Now Curry Bear heard from Nena a few days ago that Mallika Sherawat was in trouble with the law for indecent exposure. Those silly Indians back home, causing an uproar over the smallest teet.
On December 31st, Mallika performed at the J W Marriott Hotel for a New Year's Eve party. Her performance was aired on TV for all the youngins to see and ruin their virgin eyes. Curry Bear thought this was the usual uptight Indian pulic making a big deal out of nothing. You know, the same Indian public that burns theaters over lesbian movies. And the same public that made a big deal over a Hrithik and Aish kissey in Dhoom 2. But I was somewhat wrong - Mallika danced in public in a really skimpy outfit. I'm talking a string - with buttcheeks clearly hanging out. Now I am completely fine with Mallika's semi-nudity. But come on Mallika, don't you have a brain? Why would you perform in a teeny tiny g-string in public? Especially the desi public. What did you think would happen? They would just turn off their TV? This is the crazy Indian mob. You're just asking for trouble. How much blood did they suck out of your brain when you had breast implants?
For those interested in the performance, below is the video. This video was officialy aired on Indian news channel, Aaj Tak. Notice how the cameraman zooms in on Mallika's lower body, especially when she is turning around. This is good stuff to jerk off to.
Ash & Abhishek Get Engaged - Curry Bear Promises To Crash Wedding
Poor Ash, she finally gave in to family pressures and is now engaged to Abhishek. What is she doing marrying someone who is 2 years younger than her? Oh well, what's done is done. Time for Curry Bear to move on. Bipasha is still not engaged yet, so there's hope.
Abhishek Bachchan reportedly proposed to Rai in New York on Friday at the premiere of Guru. Although their marriage was apparently being secretly planned for a long time, the film's success is said to have been taken as a propitious signal. That Rai had not signed any films after Guru and Jodha Akbar, sources said, indicated that she was preparing for matrimony.
OK now that they're engaged, no more jokes about Ash being Curry Bear's bitch. Unless of course, the wedding never occurs and all this turns out to be a publicity stunt. At this point, I highly doubt that their relationship is a publicity stunt. After giving flops like Umrao Jaan & Dhoom 2 (yeah, the movie was retarded), no two people would stick together in hopes of a hit. However, their last movie together, Guru, was pretty good.
We all know Ash can do better cause of her looks and Abhishek can do better cause of his um.money. But Curry Bear wishes them both good luck. Maybe this time Ash is serious and won't run away.
Read the full article about their celebration here.
Wow. This is hands down the best piece I've seen on The Colbert Report. This show is definitely up there with Jon Stewart's Daily Show. Watch the following clip where Stephen Colbert talks about the feud between Amitabh Bachan and Shah Rukh Khan. The media made a big ruckus over Big B not showing up to SRK's New Year's party. Like Stephen Colbert says in the clip, "If Preity Zinta is there, you better fucking show up." Just plain awesome!
One of the Aishwarya Rai's body guards allegedly desecrated a temple in the Hindu holy town of Pushkar by entering drunk and roughing up worshippers who tried to approach the actress, media reports said on Friday. Alcohol and meat are banned from Pushkar, a Hindu pilgrimage center surrounding a small lake in the desert of Royalsthan and home to the only temple to the Hindu god Brahma. Ash denied her guard was drunk.
First Angelina Jolie's and Brad Pitt's bodyguards and now this. What is it with bodyguards? I thought they were highly educated, sophisticated human beings. Major Saab was once a bodyguard and I was a complete brute. I used to take a piss and not flush the toilet, start fights for no reason, and chewed food with my mouth open. If the media should blame anyone it should be these retarded fans who don't understand that bodyguards are like animals that are meant to protect.
Gulshan Grover was supposed to take a domestic flight from Casablanca to Quarzazate, but due to bad weather the flight was delayed by over 10 hours. He was there to shoot an English film. He didn't want to sit idle and approached immigration for a temporary visa to tour the city. A female office recognize him as an 'indi actor' and said, "I won't give you a visa. You are always fighting with Shah Rukh Khan in his movies, that's why!" Finally he got the visa after promising that he would not fight with SRK on screen again and plays SRK's friends in the future.
Hahahaha. We would have loved to see Gulshan Grover's face when the stupid immigration officer said he was always fighting with SRK. And fighting with SRK is no reason not to give a visa; it's a reason to make him an honorary citizen. SRK plays the same retard in every single movie. We're not saying he's a bad person in real life. In real life we think he's awesome, but as an actor he sucks and basically chooses his role depending on his paycheck. This is a fact that SRK himself has admitted.
Much has been talked about Bipasha and John's off screen chemistry and the understanding that they show towards each other. However, one tends to wonder whether Bips is turning increasingly insecure with her groovy looking boyfriend attracting a lot of attention, especially from women!
John Abraham was the centre of attraction at the launch of his new clothing line on December 18th. When Kashmira Shah, who was also invited to the party, innocently went up to John to wish him, Bipasha Basu snubbed her.
Apparently, John was holding Kashmira's hand when Bipasha suddenly appeared. John diplomatically switched his attention to his ladylove.
When Kashmira greeted Bipasha, she appeared totally indifferent and looked through Kashmira!
What's more, Bipasha stood beside John during the entire event, making sure that he didn't speak much to any woman. Ghosh! Now that's too much
Ok folks, this is too much. Now we all know how hot John Abraham is. Matter of fact when Major Saab ran into him at his launch we turned gay. Luckily, Bipasha was right next to him and when we looked at her we turned straight again. Now this couple is too hot for their own good. How can they trust each other when they know that when the other one goes out people lose their minds. Women throw their underwear at John and men run into walls looking at Bipasha. At least when ugly people get together they don't have to worry about the other person. Major Sab really feels for John because even though he has everything in the world he has the one thing we don't want - a clingy Indian girlfriend.
The Tada court on December 19 further extended the bail period granted to Sanjay Dutt till January 18 on a plea made by his lawyer. Dutt who earlier was ordered to surrender before the court, on December 19, sought further time, on grounds that his daughter Trishala who studies law in the US, is coming down to spend her holidays with him. Besides he has to complete work on his pending films and settle family property matters. The court on January 18 will hear the defence arguments over waving off the sentence under the Probation of Offenders Act and at the same time deliver its judgement on Dutt's quantum of punishment.
Sanjay Dutt is not going to jail! Ok folks let's get one thing straight. Sanjay babu is a gangster. Not only is he a gangster but also a movie star. In India that translates to being a God and gods don't gos to jail, they make epic battle stories like Mahabharat. Major Saab had the chance the hang out with Sanju back in the 90s and we almost shit our pants. Why, because this guy is scary. When he's not chain smoking or womanizing he's scaring the shit out of everyone around him. But, just like women, we love bad boys who make movies about Ghandian principles. So if Sanjay wanted to pistol whip us we would take it like a man. We're also a tad bit jealous of him because even if he does go to jail he will still get more action than us.
The sensational and glamorous Mallika Sherawat walked out of the stage in the middle of her sizzling performance on the New Year Eve at J W Marriott. The event organizer Ali Morani has termed her this behaviour as a breach of contract. Whereas, according to the close source to Mallika the breach of contract is not on part of Mallika but a clear breach of contract on part of the organizers. As per the contract, only 10 seconds of Mallika's performance was supposed to be televised for news clippings, etc. Mallika walked out the stage when she realized that the entire show was being telecast.
The hell with Ali Morani, Mallika Sherawat can breach us anytime she wants. In reality, she's really not that hot (kind of like a monkey with DSL) but we don't care because she shows cleavage. Major Saab prefers a woman how is ok looking but willing to share her jewels as opposed to someone who is hot and won't even show her ankles. What gives? Unless you're dating a hot woman they aren't good for anything except torment. They make outrageous demands, torture us by dating guys that are complete idiots (think Salman Khan), and walk around waiting to slap anyone that stares at them. Which unfortunately we stare a lot.
