Be it a straightforward discussion with your boss for a pay hike, buying a house, car, boat or smaller purchases, a love affair, a separation, a divorce or an international struggle to reach a peace agreement, there’s much that can go wrong if you don’t play your cards precisely. In your dealings with other individuals, every move you make counts. If the circle of life can be compared to a game of roulette, then negotiation can be the unseen force that will make the wheel stop at your winning number. A hastily spoken statement, or an ill conceived move on the roulette of life, is all it takes for you to get cheated of the advantages that could have been yours for the taking. But if you are an able negotiator there is so much that can go right - or at least go better for you and for everyone else dependent on you. Negotiation does not mean that you should conspire to trick the other party; it only means that you have to safeguard your own interests. When you are in love with a woman, you naturally want her to love you back in equal measure.

A good way to achieve that is by learning about her needs and aspirations and trying to balance them with your own ambitions. In other words, you negotiate a healthy relationship with your girlfriend or wife. The thing to keep in mind is that you must not attempt to negotiate anything until you are absolutely clear about the needs of the other party. If you are looking for a pay raise in your existing job, the best way to achieve this is by understanding the needs of your company and then negotiating a good settlement for yourself. While buying a car, you look for the best possible bargain, and the dealer looks for the highest possible price that he can extract from you. What do both of you do? You negotiate to find a middle ground. To a large extent, our social life is built around such negotiations, some major, and some minor, but in every negotiation that we undertake, it is up to us to make efforts to derive maximum benefits. So many factors compete to undermine an optimal settlement: the emotions of both participants; the potential for misunderstanding what could be gained (or lost); differing interpretations of what constitutes fair play. You can negotiate the best terms only when you are clear about the end that you wish to achieve.

Here are some tips for improving your negotiating skills

1. Develop the mindset of a gambler An old poker saying goes like this: You got to know when to hold’em. Know when to     fold’em.

Although negotiating and gambling are by no means synonymous, some principles hold true for both. As in poker, the best way to succeed in negotiation is to know when to carry on and when to walk away. The stakes are always high. If you negotiate too hard, you run the danger of letting the deal slip through your fingers. And if you act timid then you might end up paying more than what you should have. Always keep your options open, try your best to decipher what the other fellow wants and then make an offer that he can’t refuse.

2. Don’t be disdainful of monetary concerns

Some people make the mistake of being too shy about talking about money. Why should they? After all it is money that makes the world go round, and puts food into our stomachs. It is never vulgar to try to maximize ones monetary benefits; it is the most prudent thing you can do. After all, what can be more sensible than trying to secure one’s financial standing.

3. Don’t open all your cards on the table

Any poker player, who let other players at the table see the cards he held, would definitely lose. And he deserves to lose. The same holds true for negotiation. You should avoid opening up completely to anyone. The more information someone possesses about you, the more control he or she has over you. If you can keep everyone in suspense about your ultimate aim, it will be so much easier for you to get ahead.

4. Don’t get emotionally involved

This is one big mistake that amateur negotiators tend to make. They become obvious about their emotional attachment to winning. They shout, threaten and demand to get their way. Such behavior makes them sound juvenile and it is counter productive. By resorting to shouting or threatening, you run the risk of sending the signal that, “I am not in control because I am a weak-hearted individual.” Your opponents will pounce at the chance to take advantage of your perceived weakness. You should never lose your cool. Even if you think that someone is out to cheat you of your rightful dues, you should act nonchalant and wait for the right moment to strike back.

5. Never be the first person to name a figure

In any negotiating game by naming a person or a figure you tie yourself down. That reduces your negotiating ability. When your opponents know that this is the ultimate benefit that you are willing to accept, they might start devising strategies to hammer you down further. In fact, the more confusion you can sow in the minds of your opponents, the easier it will be for you to out-negotiate them. When they have no idea what the final outcome that you desire is, they will be less capable of devising the right strategies for thwarting you.


6. Ask for more than you expect to get

Like an able negotiator, wait patiently for the other party to offer its best terms. Once you have their figure, even if it’s much better than what you expected, say something like, “I think you’ll have to do better than that." Don’t be arrogant or aggressive. Just say it calmly. It is necessary that you make it appear as if you really expected them to offer much better terms than they have.

7. Don’t act too interested

A man who pursues a girl most desperately rarely manages to get her. In order to make an impression on a girl, you have to develop an aura of enigmatic aloofness. The idea works in every aspect of your life where negotiating skills might be required. Just giving the impression that you’re disinterested to the extent of willing to walk away can do wonders for getting a better deal. Always play the reluctant lover, buyer or seller.

8. Never sign a contract without reading the document

When someone sends you a contract to sign, if there’s something on it that you don’t like, go ahead and cross it out. The idea is that you should never get pressurized into signing a contract that you don’t like. If you start signing on the dotted line blindly, people will take you for granted. Your value gets diminished. Understand your own importance and commit yourself only to a deal that you think is worthy enough for you.

9. For support, rope in an authority figure

If a situation arises where you think that you might not be able to negotiate a better deal for yourself on your own, then there is no harm in roping in an authority figure. It hardly matters if the authority figure does exist in reality or not. For example, when you are buying a car, and the car salesman is acting too aggressive, you can drop in a line, “I will get back to you after consulting a friend who knows more about cars.” No such friend may exist, but you succeed in sowing seeds of confusion in the mind of the salesman. He has no idea what kind of person your friend is. Suddenly he is confused about the right sales pitch that might work for your friend and for you as well. He will do his best to stop you from seeking advise from this imaginary friend, and the only way he can do it is by offering you a better deal.


The practice of negotiation is an integral part of our daily lives; you can take it for granted only at your peril. But you can’t develop good negotiating skills without making serious efforts to do so. It is an art, and as with all forms of art, practice makes perfect.